drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
