Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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