I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
They have beer where we have blood.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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