is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
