Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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