my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Randomize
