I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
