I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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