2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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