and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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