I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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