i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
