i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
