So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
