just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
