I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
