He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
