so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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