yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
