Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize