I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
