Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize
