OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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