sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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