everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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