I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
