so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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