Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
