i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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