My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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