Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
