I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
