No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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