Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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