I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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