ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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