found the other keg... it's in the tree
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
