walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
