the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
