are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
