I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
