And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
True college students do jello shots in the library
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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