turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
