Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
