Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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