Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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