remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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