I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
