hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
