We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
