So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Life is so much better after having sex.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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