btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
