dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
