apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
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