the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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