she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
