I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
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