So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
