She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
