OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
from now on my penis is your penis
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
