just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I need to align my fucking chakras
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
