woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
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Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
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My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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