...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
