I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
