My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize