All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
