explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
