dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
