i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
