I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Buhtt sex?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize