i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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