This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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