So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Randomize
