Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
