I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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