btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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