yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
