first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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