Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
