Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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