it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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