Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
