it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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