He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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