isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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