i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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