All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
