she was so not down for the gang bang
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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